blockage? NO WAY

My fiancee's parents are in LOVE with coffee. If you've ever read this blog, or drank coffee, you know what it can do to a colon. I've been spending the weekend (passover again) weekend up state in their house, and here it is monday morning, we're getting ready to leave and my blow-hole has been churning for the past 72 hours. Here I am sitting in front of her Dads computer and tootin' away into his chair, they keep walking by talking to me about various things and I'm like "uh huh" as I slowly carefully, safely let little toots out into the comfy desk chair. Meanwhile the bathroom is occupied and I'm about dying to get my passover seder food from last night started on it's long trip to the hudson river, (IF you know what I mean). I was woken last night in the midst of a dream about old faithful by what might have been considered the most window rattling gas I've ever had. the windows were closed but the shades were still moving when I was roused by the vibrations of the bed.
I'm being called now to the can, I'm I think I can, no, I know I can, because there ain't no way i'm going to be able to retain this steamtrain full of salmon and kugel and chopped liver.
steamtrain.

april showers bring may asspiss

April 1, 11:58 pm. (okay, I realize that it tells you that I didn't actually post at 11:58 pm april 1, but consider this my april fools joke to you, as was my april 2 to me because of the foreward mentioned 7 incidents of green meat asspiss)...I may as well have called it Shaturday. I counted and I was called to the can a grand total of 7 times. I don't know what it was that I ate on Friday, but whatever it was, most of it either came out burning or neon orange, and once it was purplish with some green. That might have been the salad I had. See I work in the Museum of modern Art, which I think I may have mentioned, and I eat what they give or what I can scavenge. But here's the thing. Friday, it's weird, cause every other day I eat at 10 am, and friday I eat around 4:30. "Why's that weird?" you may ask. Well...I'll tell you...it's because at 10 am there's everyone on shift eating, at 4:30 ISH it's whoever is working the night, and the food was cooked at 8 am, and you eat it, and whatever, but sometimes it's green. Now, I'm not going into the breakdown of what these people serve us on a daily basis, at least not in this post, but take my word for it, for the $1.85 they take out of our paycheck each day for it, it's probably still not worth it. And green meat is scary at any price.
Kirk, I know you know that.
Not that I've seen Kirk eat green meat, but I'm sure he would. If not for $1.85, then for the price of his next drink AFTER eating the green meat. Not that the green meat they serve us is bad, per se, because they serve it with Guacamole, which, BTW is made of avocadoes (if in fact it IS spelled avocadoes).
God, can I blather anymore about nothing? not right now.