The Hitchhikers guide was right!!!!!

Always carry a towel.
Towelie from south park is right too, don't forget to bring a towel.
See, I work in a kitchen cooking food for the patrons of the Museum of Modern Art in Manhattan. New York. For this I am lucky since my hobby has become my career and I love cooking, and food and all that jazz. I carry my knives and such back and forth to and from work every day and so if I have to go somewhere after work, I usually wind up carrying my bag with me. WELL, (and here's where it gets juicy) last friday night a great friend of mine was having an art gallery opening at a space in Queensboro Plaza. For those of you who don't know, QBP is like the bermuda triangle of queens. Pigeons go there to die, etc.
So I left work at around 8:30 and headed on my way to go see this art display. not five minutes out of work I started to feel that familiar pressure and knew that I would HAVE to go at the gallery. Unfortunately I have an odd dislike for going in public bathrooms like that since, god knows who elses ass has graced the throne before me or how well it's been cleaned. Understandable, no?
Yeah, here's the hard part. As I got off the train and barely limped the two blocks to this place my sensation of having to undergo an anal explosion was getting worse and worse. I entered this gallery which was no more than a brightly lit low ceilinged lobby, albeit a huge lobby with some great art hung on it. I looked around (okay, art there, booze there, AH! the can)
and found the mens room. Walked in and was immediately hit with the feeling that what was about to happen was NOT GOING TO BE GOOD.
I had to go.
In this crap hole, (and I meant that literally).
And there were five BEAUTIFUL enclosed thrones.
So, I looked in the first one and there was something that looked like a gremlin that had been soaked in acid floating in it. NEXT
the second one had poo smeared all over the walls and bowl. NEXT
The third seemed allright but there was no toilet paper and the door didn't lock. NEXT
the fourth had no toilet paper and the door didn't lock AND had an acid gremlin in it.
WHAT ARE PEOPLE THINKING WHEN THEY GO POTTY LIKE THAT? NEXT!
Finally, the last bastion of lovers seeking sanctuary to screw anywhere or the desperate crapper I was, the handicapped john. AHHHH... CRAAAAAAAP! NO T.P. Well, no acid gremlin and the door locked, but the seat looked like it had been peed on over and over for YEARS without being clean. "Crap" I thought, nOOOO!!! Then I remembered:
I work in a restaurant. I am carrying a bag that has no less than five towels in it. I can get more towels, I can NOT get another colon. So, towel number one was used with much efficacity to wipe the entire toilet bowl down TWICE. And towel number TWO was on number two cleanup duty. (huh huh, duty)
So I did my duty. (huh huh, duty) and felt a little better for it. I threw the towel into the corner of the stall and left it there. I was going to put it IN the bowl, but then I thought I'd be no better than any of those other dudes that had made the Acid Gremlins.

Love ya!