Hazizem poopsach

So I just had my matzoh poo that I've been dreading for two days now. Jess and I went to passover seder at a family friends house. see link about for passover 101 if you want. Thing about passover is is that you can't eat any bread with leavening, so it's matzo matzo matzo, which, although after acquiring a taste is quite enjoyable, actually quite resembles the sides of the box it comes in. Unless you get the onion kind, and that's like putting onion powder on the box and eating it. So we had turkey, and brisket and horseradish and gefilte fish and lots of manischewitz, which is basically alcoholic grape juice.
also there were four Kugels, (like pudding, where the binder is matzoh). And BOY do I mean BINDER. I've felt this lump of dinner sitting in my stomach since yesterday morning. Then Jess's mom feeds us matzoh and eggs for breakfast. It was delicious, but a corrugated breakfast is not my colon's friend. So I tried to have coffee, and eat fruit, and last night I had pulled pork (I'm sure that's back there in line, probably sometime tomorrow, or later tonight after a beer). And all afternoon at work today I felt it. It was PACKED and ready. Except it was TOO packed. It was like I was my own recycling plant trying to turn newspapers into babys diapers. So when I got home I decided I would give it the old heave ho. The old college try. The old ONE TWO as it were, and I created this MONSTERPEICE of black logged crud that had such a stench. I wonder if stench is yiddish. G-d knows my poo was. And it was so kosher. Not that I would serve it for seder mind you.
So to sum up, we had a ball at the seder, singing and laughing and eating, and I had a log when I got home tonight.

and I wonder where it's coming from, I wonder where it's going

I remember being young and imagining, before I knew anything about real biology, that your poo lines up all the way up your spine. I mean, it comes out all straight (most of the time) so the only logical thing would be that it lines up along your spine, and then when you poop it out, it just slides out like that. :-) Not that this matters really, just that I was thinking about the misconceptions of reality that I and other may have and I'd like to address the new poop. The new poop was just elected by an autoclave, defined in your funk and wagnals as a gathering of the crappiest to consider the gigantic peice of crap they wanted as their leader, we call him the poop. The poop is to be grand leader of all things related to excrement, and rule over the decisions the whole world has to make relating to their lower gi and bowel movement functions. There is an element of Santa Claus and the easter bunny to this whole system, but they don't really matter either, like the poop.
What I don't understand is how millions and millions of people all over the world are so concerned with this giant peice of crap when all in all, they are going to shit when and where they have to shit anyway reguardless of if the poop says they can or not. So quit crying about the death of the old poop and quit cheering for the election of the new poop. The fact is, even if it's the straight poop, it ain't collecting in your spine.
that is all.

I was just dreaming about drinking heavily, there were a number of real life entities there, and I think it was my friend Wills birthday party. I was doing shots of myers rum and I don't remember drinking much beer, but here's the weird part; I woke up with a hangover, and beer shits. Problem with this metaphysicdal crossover is that I didn't really drink last night, so there's no real physical explanation for it and it has got me a bit creeped out. Not that this kind of stuff USUALLY creeps me out, but hey, I've got to write about it since it happened and it's monday. I know that might not make sense to anyone reading this, but I'm hoping that's the case with most of what I've posted on here, as it's not an academic endeavor, nor really much of any kind of endeavor. In fact, the only endeavor it should involve is how many wipes is it taking to get to the pink, and out of the stink.
I just made myself go yuck. Great. Well, happy monday to all of you. (which is actually none of you since no one reads my blog as far as I can tell, and if anyone does, everyone is speechless, which I could understand I guess, being that there's not much here to respond to.) I think it's more that it's more about me throwing up words first thing on my saturday morning, (WHAT? you say. It's Monday! You say?) NO - it's my saturday, see I have monday and tuesdays off, making my calendar all kindsa screwy. Well, not as screwy as could be, but you get the pictue. And I think I've come to the dry heave portion of todays post. TTYL!

Today..oday..oday... I consider myself.

So I woke up to this sent to me by my estreem college Jen. If anything's gonna get my juices flowing this morning that's totally not it. Grog sets in to my brain watching it and thinking hundreds of things I'll probably never learn the answers to like, are the guys for real? What year was this? Are those girls for real? What country is this? In fact what country isn't it? Are they ABBA? You know, I don't know, and I don't know if I want to know. It's monday and I'm totally NOT feeling any movement in my bowels. So I'll talk about star wars. I want the new star wars to make me crap in my pants in the movie theatre. I want brown squishies swamping up my crack while I try to remain comfortable for the rest of the ride because Vader has loosened my load. I want special effects that are not MIND blowing, but COLON blowing, like that awesome cereal you sometimes see advertised on old SNL.
But the one thing I'm sure I don't want and the one thing that has always made me CLENCH up about the first two episodes has been, of course, Jar Jar. This thing makes me not have to crap for a week. Such bad with the blockage that I'm lying in bed at 3 am and I can feel the baseball sitting right behind home plate and it hurts and I know I wont be able to get it out unless I stick something up there, which I won't go about doing for fear of breaking something. and more pain.
anyway, hope anyone out there who may or may not care about what I've got to say is doing well. such ends this one.